© 2022, Lyrics by Jason Didner and Amy Didner; Music by Jason Didner
I keep typing in my password
Still the validation fails
One more strike and
I'll be doing time in password jail
I just want to see my doctor
Is that too much to ask?
Enough watching spinning circles
No more unfulfillable tasks
I've been proving my identity
For all eternity
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me
They said this would be easier
But they only made it hard
My browser freezes when
I upload my insurance card
Hey - didn't I just fill out this form
Only moments ago?
The medication list I entered
Where the hell did that go?
I’ll be answering this questionnaire
For all eternity
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me
This confusing creation
Keeps giving me the blues
This confounding contraption
That even my doctors
Don't know how to use
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal